I am just one voice among many. I am one, yet I am certainly not unique. I feel alone, like no one in the world can possibly understand how I feel. I feel trapped by the very person I love the most. I live a life of denial, like many others out there. I am one of the millions of people who live in a sexless marriage.
As I write this I have been married for two and a half years. I love my wife. For the purposes of this blog I will refer to her as Darla. Darla is beautiful, sweet, kind, and extremely smart. I am extremely happy with my marriage. Well, happy except for one aspect. That one aspect makes me not happy in my marriage at all.
Darla hates sex.
Hate might be too strong of a word, but she has a strong repulsion to it. For some reason, it is one act which she finds no desire to participate in, and a strong aversion to. This is a problem as I need sex. I would say I love it, but I do not. I have learned to hate it. Yet my body craves it. I need to feel connected. Sex is how I feel close to my wife. However, it is not something that is a part of my life. The absence of it is a cosmic mass in my life. It is my life. It consumes me. My thoughts, my desires, my wishes and fantasies.
I hope in this blog to talk about my everyday life. How I cope, how I struggle, how I learn to adjust and keep going. I wish to paint out my thoughts. Not the happy ones that I share with others, but the dark ones, the strained ones, the ugly ones. I don't know if anyone will read this. It doesn't matter. It is for me, and all those out there like me. I hope that my story can help others to know that they are not alone, just as I crave to know that I am not.
